Pay Up, Fatasses

Last week I attended a conference that focused on improving the affordability of health care in America. I was blown away by the absolutely incredible rise of obesity in this country over the last 25 years. Take ten seconds and check out this graph: http://www.revolutionhealth.com/conditions/obesity/obesity-epidemic

I'll assume you were too lazy to click that and quickly summarize: In 1990, on average 11.6% of Americans were obese. Today, 25%, or 1 out of every 4 of us, is obese. Not just "Oh, I could stand to lose a few pounds." Obese.

What's the cause for this skyrocketing rise in obesity? There's just no way that this disaster is due solely to a rise in genetic disorders that make you fat. I understand that we're all expected to work more than ever before, and have less time to cook healthy meals. I personally "cooked" fewer than 30 times in 2008, if you exclude "heating up a Lean Cuisine" or "grilling Boca Burgers on the Forman Grill". But you know what I didn't do? Eat this:

Appetizing, eh? Did you know that Chili's discontinued the Awesome Blossom?? I guarantee it was not because it ceased being popular. Some guy probably tried to eat 2 orders by himself on a dare and had his heart explode right there in Chili's. Here's something else I decided not to put in my body after 2 seconds of thought:

The Guacamole Bacon Six Dollar burger at Carl's Jr. There's a difference between "splurging" once in a while, and eating stuff like this on a regular basis. The fact that restaurants are allowed to serve us food like this is borderline criminal.

But for years I've thought, hey, you want to eat garbage and be a fatass, go ahead. Eat yourself sick. But what I learned last week is that one of the major reasons for the out-of-control cost of health care spending in this country is because of all of these obese people. In fact, obese people are extremely more likely to suffer from chronic disease than heavy drinkers and smokers. Check out this chart:

While smokers have essentially become second class citizens in this country (especially here in California, where smokers <>

Then the other day I saw this article discussing a "fat tax" in Alabama, home to the fattest people in the land: http://www.theroot.com/id/48533?GT1=38002. This makes perfect sense. Obviously you fat people are too stupid to realize you are literally killing yourselves by eating garbage and refusing to work out, so now we're just going to take the decision away from you. And now that I know that your stupid ass is hurting reasonable people like me, I'm declaring war on you. What we need to do is tax the hell out of fast food and desserts, and use that money to subsidize healthier items.

That "Dollar Menu" you love so much at McDonalds? Guess what, it's now the $5 menu. You want the large ice cream bowl at Cold Stone? No problem, that'll be $8. That Chipotle burrito? HA, that will be...um, same price. Actually less if you get the tortilla-free bol (if you thought there was any way I'd ever support a plan that increases the cost of Chipotle, you are out of your damn mind).

Meanwhile, my $5 chicken breast footlong at Subway? It's now $2.50. A grilled chicken sandwich (no mayo)? Half price.

Drinkers are already paying outrageous taxes on alcohol. Smokers are paying outrageous taxes on cigarettes. And heavy drinkers and smokers aren't even the real problem - it's the fat people. And it's time for them to pay up, and hopefully save a few lives in the process.

I'm off to ponder this plan some more over a turkey sub with extra veggies and two bottles of scotch.